(Photo: just a memoir – this has been with my grandmother since I can remember… this little box somehow made the trip from her house in Adderley street to the old age home that she eventually moved into, and today it rests with me… wonder where it will still travel…)
One of the things that scares me most in life, is growing old. I am not talking about being 50 or 60… I am thinking of getting to 80 or 90…
Last night in church we sang Amazing Grace – I always liked this song, but after my grandmother passed away last year, I don’t like to hear or sing this song. It makes me sad, not because of the words (it brings a wonderful message), but it reminds me of my grandmother, as this was her favourite song… consequently, we sang it at her funeral last year.
I can remember her now, in the old age home, sitting in her chair or on her bed in the tiny room to which her life has been reduced, humming to this song. She would get very emotional whenever she heard or sang this song, but those moments never quite touched me as much as they do now, after her death. I can see now how she longed for a better world than the one she was in – a little world where old people died everyday, where old people got into trouble for being ‘difficult’, where their possessions were stolen, and a world in which no one ever spoke to you the way your husband or wife always did. Once you were alone, after your partner had died,no one ever came along again that would care for you, RESPECT you or be interested in you, the way your life partner was.
My grandmother probably lived 20 years after my grandfather died. I don’t think there was a day that she didn’t miss him.
Yes, I fear losing my husband at the age of 70, having to live to 90 without him, alone, alone, alone.
Lord, growing old is scary.
Perhaps if people took better care of old people, it would be much less scary to grow old…