Nicolette Writes

Professional Freelance Writer and Stay-at-Home Mom

Archive for the month “May, 2012”

Breast is Best… and other new-mommy issues!

Yes – okay, I DO believe breast milk is best for baby. But that is not ‘my issue’ today.

I have found that the first thing people ask me when they see me with my baby for the first time is: ‘Do you breast feed?’

Now, I DO NOT mind if my friends ask me this question, they are just interested in my life. I do, however, find it extremely offensive when complete strangers who see me for the first time ask me this question. I cannot tell you how many times this happen. ‘Ahhh – how cute! Do you breast feed?’ What on earth does this have to do with someone I do not know? No doubt they are asking this question with a hammer hanging over your head… should you answer ‘yes’, you get a smile, a ‘breast is best’ and the hammer gets put away. Should you say ‘no’, their eyes grow big and the hammer comes down. Okay perhaps the analogy of a hammer is a bit extreme, but imagine any kind of image of judgement… I can see a platform opening and someone getting hanged…

Ek hou van my melkie! Borsmelkie of blikkie-melkie!

Just for the record – I do breast feed. I give our baby both breast milk and formula. But what about those women who have made the decision not to breast feed? It should not be embarrassing to say ‘No, I use formula.’ I constantly find myself relieved that I do breast feed, because I don’t have to tell anyone that I am using formula. Surely this kind of pressure is not right?

There is so much pressure on new moms – supporting them does not mean telling them what they are doing wrong. Let us new moms do our thing and wait for us to ask for help. Rather encourage us – we need to hear that we are doing a great job. And please don’t hint at what you think I should do: ‘Oh mommy, he is crying because he has a wet diaper! Ah mommy he has a wind.’ If you think he has a wind, don’t ‘skimp’ that I should be burping him – then do it if you think it needs doing!

Help me to do it myself

By the way – have you new moms ever noticed how, when someone ‘baby wise’ holds your baby and they can’t get him to stop crying, the response is: ‘Oh he must be hungry!’ Surely it’s not them not being able to comfort your baby. It’s you failing to realise your baby is hungry!

Sorry – I just needed to do some venting! I am not sure WHAT I want to say… perhaps just this: give me an opportunity to calm my baby myself, without taking him from me and showing me how it’s done. Encourage me, tell me I am doing a great job and that all babies cry – maybe then I will relax and baby will stop crying.

Ps: To all my dear friends whom have taken my baby from me while he is crying, I love you for caring. But believe me, I will give my baby to you when I feel I cannot manage. Help me to do it myself. When my baby gets taken from me, I don’t feel like his mommy☹

I need to feel like a mother…

First-time Mom

Baby Alex is here!

I never knew my life would change this much. And I never knew adapting to being a mom would be this hard.

I guess I have always been – or no, wait… not ‘I guess’, but I AM an idealist. Even Mayers and Briggs agree;-)

I was pretty sure I would spend most of my time cuddling baby, bathing, and pampering him; dressing him up in cute clothes and showing him off to people while having a cappuccino at Mug and Bean. I just always assumed that if baby cried, all tears would stop the moment I picked him up – because I am his MOTHER. No one else would be able to comfort him the way I do. His face would light up at seeing me.

What a shock to ‘my system’. If Alex cries, I rarely get him to stop – unless I put a bottle in that little mouth or succeed in patting out a wind (which I’m horrible at!) The face of his mother doesn’t work like a magic pill – in fact, he often gives me a very angry frown! Going for a cappuccino is extremely stressful, as I never know when Alex will start crying and IF I will succeed in calming him down. As for dressing baby in cute clothes – they mostly turn yellow within a few minutes from getting them on that cute body (milk, poop, pee… not to mention how he screams when I dress him!)

Despite this despondent feeling, I have realised that if anything had to happen to Alex, it will tear my heart apart. I truly cannot imagine my life without him, even though he has only been with us for about three weeks (and nine months in my ‘tummy’!) I love him, but this doesn’t mean I am not struggling to cope with my new role. I thought I would be the angel God had chosen for this baby. I’m sure God DID choose me to be his mom… I just don’t see myself as an angel… I’m rather the mother in her pajamas, breast pads, bed hair and glasses (who has time to put contacts in?!). I hope I’ll be enough, Alex. I hope I can be the best mother you can have… because right now, I’m not sure I am getting it right.


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