Wow… no idea where I am going with this post, but I just have to write something… because Chester Bennington is dead. His voice and the lyrics he sang has been a part of my life since my friend’s brother introduced me to their music at 18, and today at 34 I am still following Linkin Park and am an even bigger fan. When I was pregnant with my first child, my baby was practically listening to Linkin Park in my womb for hours a day!
I think what is the hardest for me about his death, is that because I struggle with Depression myself (not saying that that was his diagnosis, but we can assume mental health was a factor), so because I am a Depression sufferer myself, and have been for probably the last 15 years of my life, I can’t help but feel anxious, thinking: ‘If HE couldn’t make it, if HE couldn’t beat Depression, how on earth will I?” If Chester Bennington, who had ‘the world at his feet’, couldn’t handle life anymore, how will I, a ‘mere stay-at-home-mom’ who no one knows about, how will I pull through the dark times?
He seemed invincible. His whole life. The band. I can’t get myself to listen to any of my Linkin Park CDs right now, as I am not sure which emotions will show their face…
“CRAWLING in my skin, these wounds, they will not heal…” I guess they never healed for you Chaz, even after all those years you first sang that song, and after so many interviews I have seen where it seems you have overcome all your demons.
Looking forward to meeting you one day when my journey comes to an end, and until then, I’ll try to find some answers about life. I already know that pain is sometimes more than humans can take. I know that knife feeling in your heart. I know how it feels when everything in your mind is just so heavy. But there has got to be another way out.