US School Shootings – What Happened??

I can’t help but cry as I read articles on the recent gun shooting in the US – seems like twenty 6 to 7 year olds were killed. Just imagine – you send your excited 6 year old to school the morning, then this happens. One feels so powerless to make a change in this world… I think you can only try to make a difference in the space where you are – there where you are planted and to wherever you travel, otherwise the pain you will carry will be too overwhelming. But then again – mourn with those who mourn… so let me continue my crying.

We can but only change the world where we are planted…

My Help :-)

Bongi is the lady who helps to clean our house once every week. We have a good relationship. Or so I think… who knows what she really thinks of me – this young girl (younger than she is) with the nice blue BMW, who lives in a nice warm house, with her baby, hardworking husband and a dog (who has more blankets than some of her friends probably have).

I try to share as much as I can with Bongi. And I always feel quite good that I am giving Bongi things to take home.

Then the other day, I was showing Bongi the new blue plates I bought and I told her that I have put the old plates in a box for her to take home.

She was grateful, but her reaction caught me unaware: ‘Yo, Nicolette, you waste money!’ She didn’t say it angrily. It was just a statement (perhaps there was a tone of disbelief).

I didn’t know what to say. I give her all these things, and her thoughts are that I am wasting money?

I guess I just always assumed she must be happy with all the things I give her. I am the good, white benefactor (he he, we don’t want to admit it, but I think this is how we often think of ourselves!). Suddenly, giving didn’t feel so good anymore. Was I wasting money?

I have given the situation a lot of thought, and I have come to the conclusion that it is not that I waste money – I buy with money that we have, and I buy at PEP, JET, and Mr Price, in stead of at Woollies, Truworths and Foschini (well some times I do splurge a bit at these places).

But I have learned that there are people who cannot imagine that you would buy plates if you already have plates; people to whom it seem absurd to buy a R100 mobile for a baby room, just because it is pretty.

Bongi and Alex

I am certainly NOT saying we are not allowed to buy these pretty things if we can buy them. Let’s just never forget the Bongis in life. I guess that’s why I often decide to give the (irritating!) car guard that R2 or R5, even if I am CERTAIN nothing would have happened to my car while I was gone. Because I have the nice blue plates.

Love,
Nicolette

In my arms!

I think I’m becoming a mom…

I think I’m becoming a mom…

Okay, so of course I AM a mom – I have adorable, little Alex. But I’ve never really had that mom-feeling. Until yesterday.

I was having a conversation with a group of friends, and while drinking my coffee and having normal conversation, I was successfully managing to keep Alex content and happy at the same time. I was comfortably moving him from my knee to my hip to the floor (as I held him up while he tried standing). I was relaxed. He was happy, I was happy.

How on earth did this happen? Overnight?
‘Time’, dearest new moms. You will get there. Remember my last post? I was about to crack. https://nicolettewrites.wordpress.com/2012/07/10/im-about-to-crack/ And it felt like everyone but myself could calm and make my baby happy.

If your baby is about one or two months now and you feel that you are not going to make it – hold out… you will get there! I’m not saying I ‘arrived’ in any way! I know Alex will soon ‘knock me over’ with something new, haha! There will always be ups and downs.

Take it ONE day at a time. Or no, not even one day – take it MOMENT for moment. And with time, it will get easier. It’s going to be fun:-D

Love,
Nicolette
ps: If you are at a stage now where you are not getting a lot of sleep, please read this post: (Especially if you believe in SLEEP TRAINING, which I strongly condemn!!)
http://nurshable.com/2012/07/19/the-wio-wait-it-out-method-of-sleep-training/

I’m About To Crack… :-)

So here is what’s been going on in this mommy’s mind lately…

Alex has been going through a fussy phase (I know there are a few developmental [fussy?] phases that babies apparently go through – there’s a book on it called, The Wonder Weeks). www.thewonderweeks.com

As a result, I constantly find myself having that ‘I’m going to crack’ feeling. I feel terrible for just saying this – I really love my baby (even when saying this I feel bombarded by an inner voice saying, ‘Do you? Do you really? How can you feel like ‘cracking up’ when he is crying and still say you love him?!’ These feelings are exactly what this post is about. But wait, I’m interrupting myself).

Last night I had to count to ten before picking Alex up. My sweet boy Alex with his big brown (gorgeous!) eyes. Maybe he is teething…? But he is only three months and seems rather to be going through a phase of separation anxiety. I tell you, the moment I leave the room (or his eye sight!), he starts screaming for me. After a few days of this, from 6am to about 6pm at home alone with him every day, I think you get that ‘I’m going to crack feeling’.

I say ‘I think’, because I am having a battle with guilt. I hear all these voices saying: ‘Stop complaining! There are so many women out there who would do anything to have a little baby!’ ‘You are so ungrateful – be careful that he doesn’t get taken from you’ What if God does punish me (I know, I know, God doesn’t work that way… but still…) and He takes away Alex overnight? What if something happens to Alex? So I find myself praying the whole day as I am faced with a cranky Alex: ‘Please, Lord, please don’t take him from me. I really don’t know what it is with me, Lord. I love him! I really do! I just feel like I’m going to crack…’

This, then, is where I am currently at. Feeling close to ‘cracking’, but fearing and feeling ashamed of my feelings…

What is a mommy to do?

First-time Mom

Baby Alex is here!

I never knew my life would change this much. And I never knew adapting to being a mom would be this hard.

I guess I have always been – or no, wait… not ‘I guess’, but I AM an idealist. Even Mayers and Briggs agree;-)

I was pretty sure I would spend most of my time cuddling baby, bathing, and pampering him; dressing him up in cute clothes and showing him off to people while having a cappuccino at Mug and Bean. I just always assumed that if baby cried, all tears would stop the moment I picked him up – because I am his MOTHER. No one else would be able to comfort him the way I do. His face would light up at seeing me.

What a shock to ‘my system’. If Alex cries, I rarely get him to stop – unless I put a bottle in that little mouth or succeed in patting out a wind (which I’m horrible at!) The face of his mother doesn’t work like a magic pill – in fact, he often gives me a very angry frown! Going for a cappuccino is extremely stressful, as I never know when Alex will start crying and IF I will succeed in calming him down. As for dressing baby in cute clothes – they mostly turn yellow within a few minutes from getting them on that cute body (milk, poop, pee… not to mention how he screams when I dress him!)

Despite this despondent feeling, I have realised that if anything had to happen to Alex, it will tear my heart apart. I truly cannot imagine my life without him, even though he has only been with us for about three weeks (and nine months in my ‘tummy’!) I love him, but this doesn’t mean I am not struggling to cope with my new role. I thought I would be the angel God had chosen for this baby. I’m sure God DID choose me to be his mom… I just don’t see myself as an angel… I’m rather the mother in her pajamas, breast pads, bed hair and glasses (who has time to put contacts in?!). I hope I’ll be enough, Alex. I hope I can be the best mother you can have… because right now, I’m not sure I am getting it right.

Love,
Nicolette

Having A Cold (or Sinusitis?) During Pregnancy

Sorry about being so quiet lately… I developed a cold. I actually think, or according to What to Expect When You’re Expecting, it is now a sinus infection. Thing is, if you develop a cold and you ARE NOT PREGNANT, there is some pretty powerful stuff you can use to feel better. BUT, seeing that I am pregnant (39 weeks!!), I have to make do with panados (whaa! It’s like sweets!!) and a mixture of salt, baking soda and water… gargle, gargle, sniff… not pleasant.

Love,
Nicolette

Andrew Thompson Commits Suicide – and people STILL think Depression is made-up nonsense?

If you are not from South Africa, you will probably not be familiar with the name Andrew Thompson… in fact, neither was I… I always just thought of him as Fanie from the Afrikaans movie series Bakgat. Well, ‘Fanie’ committed suicide. ‘What?! How is this possible!?’ is probably what you are thinking, imagining ‘Fanie’, whom we have come to know as the extremely sweet, comical, funny and happy character on our television screens.

The first thing I thought when I heard that he committed suicide was: ‘And people STILL think depression is not a series illness?‘ There are still people who believe that depression is a made-up thing – an illness of the time, that everybody gets some time or another. That depression means merely feeling ‘down’ and that these people should ‘pull themselves together’ and look at all their blessings…

Will you tell someone with a broken hip to pull themselves together and go out for a walk? How can we be so insensitive to an illness that is so real? Just because you cannot show physical evidence for its existence, like an arm in a cast, or a bloody, stitched up toe, doesn’t mean it does not exist. It just makes us uncomfortable, doesn’t it? It especially makes those personality types uncomfortable that think of ‘sensitive souls’ as weak people.

May we move beyond our narrow-minded ideas when it comes to Depression: Depression is not a mood (as in ‘I am angry, frustrated, depressed’) – it is an illness with a capital ‘D’. It does not merely mean you are having a ‘down’ or ‘off’ day, and you cannot merely fix it by looking at the sunshine. Wake up, people, and reach out to those who suffer from Depression as if they are going through major surgery – you are treading on such sensitive ground when working with people who suffer from Depression.

Whether ‘Fanie’ or Andrew Thompson suffered from depression or not, this death has got to make you think… if someone who seems to have it all (fame, popularity, LOVED and adored by his country’s people) commits suicide – he was NOT just having an ‘off’ day.

Love, Nicolette
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